Going to the Store

I have fond memories of trips to town with Mom. We almost always lived in the country with no close neighbors when I was growing up. I was home-schooled, so taking a day off from school and housework was a vacation for us. We usually spent most of the day shopping and getting what we needed for the next couple weeks. There were some interesting experiences which came from these trips.

I remember when I was about 11 years old and we had just moved from Arkansas to Lincoln, Nebraska. We had lived on a 260-acre farm 20 miles from town in Arkansas, so moving to a town the size of Lincoln was a big switch for us. There were shopping centers and malls just down the street.

On one shopping trip we were in a clothing store and the three of us boys were bored as most boys are in clothing stores, especially 3-year-old Brad. He tried to make things interesting for himself by hiding in the middle of the circular clothing racks and surprising unsuspecting shoppers as they browsed. Mom quickly put a stop to this when a woman jumped and screamed nearby and she realized what he was up to.

Minutes later Mom got into a friendly conversation with another shopper. The lady noticed Brad standing next to the cart. He was casually observing his surroundings, no doubt cooking up a game that had not yet been outlawed. His short, spiked, strawberry blond hair and cute face were irresistible and the woman began to talk to him.

“Hi there! Hey! How old are you?” Brad eyed her suspiciously.

“He's three.” Mom volunteered.

“Oh! Are you this many?” The lady held up 3 fingers.

Brad gave her a look that could have been mixed disgust and disdain for her baby talk tone and gestures.

“No, I'm three.” He said.

Not to be discouraged the woman continued. “Oh! You are three! You're kind of small for your age, aren't you?”

Brad looked down the aisle away from her and shrugged, looking for all the world like a 2 ½-foot-tall adult.

The truth was that Brad's birth had been prematurely induced by a doctor who grabbed the wrong chart, and he'd only had 8 months to prepare to meet the world, instead of 9 like most babies. So in the beginning he was a little small compared to other kids his age. But his unusual intelligence, keen sense of humor, and unshakable confidence more than made up for it. And he was quite athletic. Even as a toddler, putting things in higher cabinets did not mean they were safe, because he was quite a climber and always found ways to get to something of interest.

But back to the story. Mom and the lady had a short conversation about Brad. Then the woman said again “He is kind of small for his age.” It was then that Brad broke his silence and looked up at the lady defiantly.

“Look lady! I'm not small. I'm compact... like a Ferarri.” His serious, factual tone combined with his toddler appearance was enough to make all of us crack up laughing. The lesson here might be: Never underestimate a bright, mature 3-year-old whose older brothers are into sports cars!

Not long after that, we were in a discount store. I think it might have been Target. I was looking for a birthday present for Brad. I found the toy I knew he wanted and began to walk down the aisle. Suddenly Brad came zooming around the corner headed straight for me as fast as his little legs would carry him. Without thinking, I smoothly slid the small toy under my jacket so he wouldn't see it.

The lady behind me came unglued! “HEY! Are you having trouble paying for that? I'll call security!” I attempted to explain that I was only trying to keep my little brother's birthday present a secret, but she was not listening. She continued to bluster about getting the manager and turning me in. I was shocked and embarrassed! Stealing had never entered my mind before and someone accusing me of such a thing totally threw me off-guard!

Finally I tossed the toy on the shelf, grabbed Brad's hand, and left the crazy woman behind. I guess the lesson here is: NEVER put something under your clothes for ANY reason while you are shopping in a retail store. Somebody might get the wrong idea!

Another embarrassing moment came in the same store a couple years later when I found something I wanted to purchase with my own money. I was still closely examining the item when I walked up to Mom and her cart.

“Here, I'll just put this in your cart until we get to the register.” I dropped it in the cart. No response from Mom. As my eyes swept upward I saw Mom's pants, Mom's shirt, Mom's hair, and a very confused face that was definitely NOT Mom's!

“Oh, I am sorry! I thought you were my Mom!” I stammered, grabbing my item from her cart. The woman smiled and looked relieved. I can imagine she was wondering what in the world a strange teenager was doing dropping things into her cart!

Once in Wal-mart, I was searching for my family. We frequently split up to shop our separate interests and then meet again. I had developed my own method of combing the store. I'd walk quickly down a middle, main aisle crossing the store checking 2 aisles on the right before snapping my head left to check 2 aisles on the left. I reasoned that this way I would only have to turn my head once for every set of right and left aisles, rather than twice (checking right and left at each aisle), thus saving my neck and speeding my progress.

The drawback my 14-year-old brain had not taken into account was that this meant I was walking down the aisle at a good rate of speed with my head almost always turned to the side. This revelation came to me quite suddenly and brutally when my head and chest bounced off a large steel pole supporting the ceiling. It was definitely hollow because it rang with a loud “BOOOOOONNNNGGG!” for a couple seconds after impact. Rubbing my head I noticed a couple girls giggling at me. Man! How embarrassing! From these last two experiences I'd say the lesson is: Don't get so focused on your shopping or searching that you don't see what's right in front of you.